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stop telling people who have abusive parents to “just leave” after they turn 18!!!!!!! it’s not that fucking simple!!!!!!!!!

i’ve been an adult for two years now and i STILL live in this hell hole. you know why? CONTROL. you can’t just walk out of the house and never look back like they do on tv. it doesn’t work that way. you take documents with you (that, if your parents are anything like mine, are locked up tight in a safe), you have to have enough money and a stable job and a place to go (which most victims are unable to get jobs due to mental/physical health or parent control), you have to move all your things out of their name (phone, car, etc). the list goes on. don’t you dare tell an adult victim that they’re just “not helping themselves”. i’m tired of hearing it.

adult victims of abusive parents: your abuse is still valid and i promise you there are those of us who understand and care.

(and before you try and pull the “here’s some suggestions” shit, my doctor has already met with a social worker with me. i’m stuck here for the time being. thanks for your concern but fuck off.)

It’s almost like walking out at 18 is a privilege reserved for those with loving supportive parents that enable them to leave 

I moved out when I was 17.

Here’s what you do:
- line up friends, shelters etc who can host you and will cover for you. You can rely on the goodwill of friends for six months for free if you negotiate it and are up front about what you need. Look up roommate agreements and guides for being a good houseguest for specific details. THERE. SIX MONTHS RENT FREE.

- Your parents have stolen your identity. Before you move, you are going to get it back. Memorise your SSN/SIN/local ID number so no one can take it away from you. That and your address can get you copies of most things.
- - “But what if I’m running errands for you and I get hit by a drunk driver and then I’m dying in a ditch and no one knows who I am or how to contact you?!” is how I got my parents to hand over my ID.

- Look if you’re never going to see them again, stealing enough money for a bus ticket out of there is perfectly legit. But understand that this choice means NEVER seeing them again and probably filing a protection order with the police once you get to your new place.

- Pack everything you can’t bear to lose into a bag you can carry without looking suspicious.

- HAVE A SPECIFIC PLAN WITH SOMEONE WILLING TO PICK YOU UP. Do not just leave on a whim and expect your friends to cover for you.
- - Don’t get salty at your friends if they can’t get you out right away. They’re doing you a favour by putting you up rent free, appreciate it even if it’s not on the timeline you want.

- Selling books, toys, and video games can get you enough money for a plane ticket or even rent in a housemate situation. Parents will often praise you for getting rid of hobbies they never approved of in the first place. It can relieve some of the tension as they think you’re complying.

- You get one week to sleep and recover, then you start looking for jobs/applying for university/scholarships/working on your patreon

Just because moving out is really, really hard doesn’t mean you can’t do it. If you’ve survived to the age of adulthood in that environment, you have all the cunning and resilience required to escape. Everything you lose to get there will be worth what you gain when you’re done. I promise.

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